HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
