onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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