he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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