Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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