I wish I could punch you in the face.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
