They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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