i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
