I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
