I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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