your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
