just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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