Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
