I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
