My Higher Power is John Stamos
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
