She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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