So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
