i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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