That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
