nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
