It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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