I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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