i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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