afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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