It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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