Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
