Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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