We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
