How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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