Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
