dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
