I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
