there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
