You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
