these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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