i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
