so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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