I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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