did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
