I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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