I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bring money and cleavage
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
