i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
