..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
