Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
