note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
