he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
