I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
