real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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