margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
