i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
