I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
